Inkwell - The Editing/Complaining Thread

[Dan]

So everyone pick a novel of yours that needs editing and tell us a little about it in this thread. This will be a sort of writing discussion thread: Talking about the process of writing. We'll also tell how much progress we're making in our editing because we could all use a little encouragement. Also, making promises we haven't a hope of keeping is a good idea. I'll start off with a small one though: As soon as someone posts in this thread I'll edit two pages of my novel. And everyone has to hold me to that!
After that next person posts and I do my required two pages, I'll post how many pages I have, how many I'm done, and how it's going.
In the meantime: What are you editing this week/month/year?

[eLIZabeth]

Well, you better get those pages done!

My main novel is pretty girly in a way... I mean, the main characters are all girls, with obvious reason. But there are some guys, too.
It's about this teenage girl named Katherine who lived in England about 70 years ago, maybe more. She's boarding at a school run by a teacher with a lot of secrets in her past, maybe even involving murder. After discovering something pretty shocking, connecting one of the maids with the head teacher, she works at trying to uncover the mystery while at the same time dealing with a nasty fellow student. Fortunately, she has good friends...
That's as far as I've gotten right now, but I have some ideas for the later plot. She goes to a school dance and finds out some more about the teacher. The teacher really doesnt like Katherine being nosey, so the girl ends up getting into a lot of trouble. Just when things seem to be worst, I think her best friend needs to get really, really sick. Mabye dies... or someone convinces Katherine that she she died. So she being really brash she leaves the school and ends up on the streets of London. Where she meets more people who help her out. Yeah... *sigh* just reading this is making me a little overwhelmed with despair. This has got to be the worst story ever. Very unoriginal, very stupid. The writing itself isn't my best, but I guess it's not bad. So...
I think I might need a little help, guys. lol.

[eLIZabeth]

Maybe I'm the only one (I really doubt this) but I get a lot of random thoughts sometimes, like sentences, phrases, words, or whatever, that I just have to use in a story. Or maybe a plot that I really want to include. Anyone else have any? Maybe you'd like to share?

[Angie]

Okay, so, currently, or most recently at least, I was editing this story. It's kinda complicated... Sorry if this makes anybody's head fall off.
I'm leaving off a lot of details, so I hope this makes sense.

Okay, so there is this magical world called Astor. There is good magic and bad magic, but good magic is SO much more powerful it totally trumps the bad. The leader of Astor is the High King, who is helped by the seven wizards, who are each in charge of a different branch of magic. The High King is in complete and unquestionable control of Astor (which is made up of several principalities) because, way back when, Astor was overrun by Dark Creatures (vague, I know, but I just thought this up at two this morning!) and the first King and his helpers bound the Dark Astor (with evil things, and evil magic) deep below the surface. Ever since then, every couple years, the King and the Wizards have to re-do the Binding, or eventually all heck will break loose again, and good will probably be overrun, despite the fact that the wizards are uber-powerful. (By the way, the King and Heirs are always completely immune to magic. In Astor, not everyone has magic. The later it shows up, the more powerful you are, but usually it shows up around age five or so. Never after fifteen.)
SO... this guy named Elaseb, who is a foreigner, develops his magic very late, and so is very powerful. He quickly rises in the School of Fire, right up to Low Apprentice. The next highest is the Grand Apprentice, who will become the wizard when the current one dies or steps down. (People who are wizards have very powerful good magic. They receive the Wizard's Ring, which magnifies their power and connects them to the Bindings. Wizards live a VERY long time, as long as they have their ring.) Okay, so, one day the Grand Apprentice and the Wizard of Fire argue heatedly, and the GA is dismissed, making Elaseb next in line for wizardship, something he hasn't studied for. Wouldn't you know it, soon after, the Wizard dies in an accident and El immediately takes his place, untrained though he is.
Two years later, one of the principalities rises up and the High King is murdered and his family sent into hiding, greatly disturbing the balance of the Bindings. Also, the six other wizards are all killed (through various ways) and the guy behind it all, the old GA, gets their rings, making him more powerful, but not wizard-powerful. However, now El is on his own, trying to do seven times the work, not get caught, study his wizard stuff, and keep the Heir's family safe until they can reclaim the throne.
Three hundred years later, they still haven't done it. The principalities are constantly warring, making and breaking alliances. Then (unbeknownst to all but El) the Heir's only son is kidnapped, and in the process of retreiving him, the Heir is killed and the son lost.
So now there's no way to do the Binding. And El has no idea where the kid is. And since he is magic-proof, there is no way to find him.
Now, fifteen years later, three teenagers, Vesper, Philip, and Nerissa, join together to find the last wizard (each with their own reasons) before the world of Astor erupts into a war that will ultimately end with its end.

Wow, that's a lot. And I realize, I barely put anything about the three main characters, or the storyteller Rufus who helps them, but I just wanted to give you the general plot and the make-up of Astor.
Does the whole Binding thing make sense? How does it sound? Any ideas on what I should call the GA? He gets into dark magic once he leaves the School of Fire, and so becomes some kind of Dark Lord person, ruling from an abandoned city in which lives his ever growing army of rebels, the Legionnaires.

@ Elizabeth- Yes, I totally know what you mean! And it kills when I realize some really great plot twist I thought up won't work! I usually try to put them behind me, though, so at the moment I can't remember them. I usually end up including them in another story anyway, so they're all patchwork.

[Ruthie]

wow, elizabeth!!! I luv your story already!!! very original plot!!
and angie, I love all the magic and intrigue; those are the best books, am I right?
Hmm... okay, this story I thought up yesterday, believe it or not, but I will also include my... NaNovel
here goes:

Hannah Jeffries has just finished her second book in the Bronze Trilogy, about this human-fairy hybrid, Rogan (yeah, I'm big on hybrids these days... ) who sets out to find the bronze arrowhead, which contains unbelievable power to save his village (I don't know why, yet), anyway, one stormy night (things always happen on a stormy night ) Hannah is reading aloud a section in her book and all of a sudden, Rogan is standing before her, completely bewildered as to how he got there!
So Hannah has to conceal her creation from the public and police, who say that Rogan has committed a robbery at a local antique store. Hannah now has to find the real robber the same time she finds out how she got Rogan to our world, and more importantly, how to get him back

now my NaNovel:

A branch of the FBI, the Global Detective Agency (GDA), has come up with a new department, called the Club Members, which is a group of kids specializing in agent assistant work. However, they are given their chance to solve a case when a jewelry store robbery is reported. And a doozy of a robbery. The whole place is literally cleaned out: no fingerprints on display cases, no footprints in the carpeting, no signs of forced entry, nothing. The only thing is a small shard of plastic off a Nintendo game cartridge. However, that little clue opens up windows. Is the robber really a criminal? Is the jewelry store employee really as innocent as he says? And what about that Market Basket cashier, is he in on it? (dun-da-da-dun!!)

This story needs a lot of editing, however, so I'll probably change this summary as I go on.

[Dan]

Maybe I'm the only one (I really doubt this) but I get a lot of random thoughts sometimes, like sentences, phrases, words, or whatever, that I just have to use in a story. Or maybe a plot that I really want to include. Anyone else have any? Maybe you'd like to share?

ALL. THE. TIME. It's really frustrating sometimes; until I realized that I should probably write down all those daydreams and keep them for future use. So now if anything is marginally entertaining I write it down and/or flesh it out and use it later. It's actually kinda cool to write stuff I know nothing about because I can make everything up as I go without having to worry about being consistent. If it's really short, like one line, I either add it to my RLLUPPB (Really Long List of Utterly Placeless Plot Bunnies), or file it under some scene in one of my outlines.

Okay, so, currently, or most recently at least, I was editing this story. It's kinda complicated... Sorry if this makes anybody's head fall off.
I'm leaving off a lot of details, so I hope this makes sense.

Okay, so there is this magical world called Astor. There is good magic and bad magic, but good magic is SO much more powerful it totally trumps the bad. The leader of Astor is the High King, who is helped by the seven wizards, who are each in charge of a different branch of magic. The High King is in complete and unquestionable control of Astor (which is made up of several principalities) because, way back when, Astor was overrun by Dark Creatures (vague, I know, but I just thought this up at two this morning!) and the first King and his helpers bound the Dark Astor (with evil things, and evil magic) deep below the surface. Ever since then, every couple years, the King and the Wizards have to re-do the Binding, or eventually all heck will break loose again, and good will probably be overrun, despite the fact that the wizards are uber-powerful. (By the way, the King and Heirs are always completely immune to magic. In Astor, not everyone has magic. The later it shows up, the more powerful you are, but usually it shows up around age five or so. Never after fifteen.)
SO... this guy named Elaseb, who is a foreigner, develops his magic very late, and so is very powerful. He quickly rises in the School of Fire, right up to Low Apprentice. The next highest is the Grand Apprentice, who will become the wizard when the current one dies or steps down. (People who are wizards have very powerful good magic. They receive the Wizard's Ring, which magnifies their power and connects them to the Bindings. Wizards live a VERY long time, as long as they have their ring.) Okay, so, one day the Grand Apprentice and the Wizard of Fire argue heatedly, and the GA is dismissed, making Elaseb next in line for wizardship, something he hasn't studied for. Wouldn't you know it, soon after, the Wizard dies in an accident and El immediately takes his place, untrained though he is.
Two years later, one of the principalities rises up and the High King is murdered and his family sent into hiding, greatly disturbing the balance of the Bindings. Also, the six other wizards are all killed (through various ways) and the guy behind it all, the old GA, gets their rings, making him more powerful, but not wizard-powerful. However, now El is on his own, trying to do seven times the work, not get caught, study his wizard stuff, and keep the Heir's family safe until they can reclaim the throne.
Three hundred years later, they still haven't done it. The principalities are constantly warring, making and breaking alliances. Then (unbeknownst to all but El) the Heir's only son is kidnapped, and in the process of retreiving him, the Heir is killed and the son lost.
So now there's no way to do the Binding. And El has no idea where the kid is. And since he is magic-proof, there is no way to find him.
Now, fifteen years later, three teenagers, Vesper, Philip, and Nerissa, join together to find the last wizard (each with their own reasons) before the world of Astor erupts into a war that will ultimately end with its end.

Wow, that's a lot. And I realize, I barely put anything about the three main characters, or the storyteller Rufus who helps them, but I just wanted to give you the general plot and the make-up of Astor.
Does the whole Binding thing make sense? How does it sound? Any ideas on what I should call the GA? He gets into dark magic once he leaves the School of Fire, and so becomes some kind of Dark Lord person, ruling from an abandoned city in which lives his ever growing army of rebels, the Legionnaires.

Wow. Sounds really great! Stars for originality too!
The binding is fascinating, sounds really good. But all of the pieces seemed to fit together really well and made a lot of sense. I like it.
(Sorry if this next bit sounds harsh )
How attached to Vesper, Philip and Nerissa? Only because I've never liked reading (or watching) teenagers save the world. It's so unrealistic. Not to mention it's been done (and over-done) before. I just don't like the idea; I've never met a teenager (or heard of one in real life) who had it together enough to save anything.

@Ruthie: I'm not ignoring your story, but I just got called for dinner so I'll have to write a long, lucious review later. Sorry!

I finished my two pages of editing! Thanks Liz!

[Angie]

How attached to Vesper, Philip and Nerissa? Only because I've never liked reading (or watching) teenagers save the world. It's so unrealistic. Not to mention it's been done (and over-done) before. I just don't like the idea; I've never met a teenager (or heard of one in real life) who had it together enough to save anything.

Hmmm, well, see... there's a bit of a mix up, because it turns out the GA had a son, you see, and so when El went to his place to rescue the kidnapped Heir, he rescued the wrong baby (Philip) who was then lost, anyway.
So Philip ends up being the son of this terrible sorcerer, the GA, and Vesper has grown up as the son of the sorcerer, but actually is the Heir. And Nerissa... is in there because I like her and because I feel that sometimes, books are missing something when they are totally about guys.
And Elaseb is actually only twenty-one, granted he's been twenty-one for three hundred years, but he still acts the same way. It's part of the wizard's Protection Spell, that helps defend them as well as making them live for a very long time.
I suppose I could oust Nerissa, but I kinda need Philip and Vesper. And then, there's Ember, who is El's current traveling companion, and another character I haven't quite decided about, an enchantress called the Earth Widow.

I get stuck sometimes; I feel like all my stories are about the same things. Does anybody else feel that way?

[Dan]

Well, if I were you, I would pull out the Lightning Rod of Displacement (one of the weapons of the writers' guild) and throw it smack dab between Philip and Vesper. Shake that story up a little bit; How to Philip and Vesper get together again anyhow? There needs to be something interesting happening there.
But that's just me and I'm totally nosing in on your story.

Okay, now for my own exposé: This story started a long time ago when I wanted to write something that reflected my family. (Because I have the coolest family in the world, and also so I could be sure they would read it). So currently the story has seven main characters who are all siblings. (six boys, one girl who's the oldest). The story keeps changing all the time so at this point I'm going to replace all these main characters with some more realistic fellowship. The story goes something like this: There used to be a kingdom called Sargoeth (sahr-gohth) that took up almost it's entire continent (the line gets kinda hazy toward the east). About two hundred years ago, the king's adviser, Melden, tried to pull a coup but something went wrong. He ended up owning only half the kingdom (the side that's on the coast) and it was called Condrac.
Now, the magic of the story revolves around geology. There are special stones that do things that stones in our world never do. They range from the mundane (put the stone on a pallet of bricks and the pallet becomes light enough to lift with one hand), to the super powerful (a certain tribe of fairies has a stone that controls all of the weather for the continent). Just so you know, the stones are called Renorai (singular: renora).
Now there are three super powerful stones that Melden is trying to find that will help him take over known civilization [blah blah, death and destruction]. That's where our main characters come in: You see they're all magicians, in a way, but more like knights for the king. The king finds out that Melden already has two of the stones and sends them to steal them. The two stones he has can make illusions and the second is the one that controls the weather (but the weather one was damaged when he stole it from the elemental fairies).
Long story short, the heroes sneak into the bad guys country, then his castle, and try to steal the two stones. They end up killing Melden but one of them is captured by an enchantress who swings him over to the bad guys' side.
In the next book one of the heroes gains the magical ability of true-seeing, finally, so he decides to go back to get his lost brother. Because the lost brother is an empath, the true-seer won't have much trouble sharing his true-seeing with him.
All the rest of the heroes find out that true-seer has undertaken the suicidal mission and go after him.
And since I've gone on a while and I'm being paged from downstairs, here's the finale: True-seer confronts lost boy, another brother confronts Melden's nephew, who has taken over the country, and kills him and takes back the two stones, yet another brother discovers the last magic stone (which controls memories) which has been buried in the catacombs of the bad guy's capital city all along.

Okay, all of that didn't sound very original, so go ahead and tear it apart.

[Ruthie]

Wow!!! all you guys are so creative, and all your stories are so original (Elizabeth, Dan, Angie, don't say they aren't lol)
It's kind of funny, becuz my summaries are these short little things, and all of yours are long and have lots of interesting plot changes and everything! Keep Up the Good Work!!! (that will be abbreviated to KUGW)
@Dan: I know this sounds silly, but how many stones are there? A story I'm writing about, ahem, powerful stones only involves eight, and you only mention a few, are there more of them?
And here is a story about bounty hunters which I am actively writing...a part farther along in the book, lol

This story takes place in the magical world of Fion. Kay, Rodney and Angela are good friends who share the same business, bounty hunting, so it comes as no surprise when Lord Cyril Brent-worthy, a most respected noble, presents them with a job, they take it. Brent-worthy had come across an important book many years back, but it was stolen from him shortly after he found it. It is a large, ancient book, title Xandria; it is about a fictional land where animals talk, and no humans dwell.
So Kay and her friends go off to find this book, not really questioning why Brent-worthy wants it, until they meet up with none other than the book's guardians, a talking bat, rat, cat and dragon. The animals explain that they were chosen by their community of Xandria (which Kay and her friends find out is indeed a true place) to protect the powerful book from evil hands. So the bounty hunters find out that Brent-worthy is really trying to take the book for his own twisted means, so now Kay, her friends and the animals have to stop him before he takes over this world

bwa-ha-ha-ha!!! I welcome criticism.. wel, actually no I dont, lol, jk, you may critique all you want, just keep it G rated please lol
@Angie: I love the name Vesper... I actually named an elf in another of my stories Vesper It's such a cool name!!!

[Dan]

Well, the country is littered with stones, but most of them are pretty mild in power. There are these particular three, though, that are super powerful.

I like! I like the idea of the knavish bounty hunters helping to save the world. It reminds me a tiny bit of a video game I once played but your story really isn't like that at all; yours is definitely original.

[Ruthie]

thanx you That story was actually one i played w/ Nancy, Paul and Co. when we were little... or at least something like it, minus the power-hungry noble, talking animals and powerful book... lol

[Angie]

Dan, you know, I really like the idea of a family of heroes. I really, really do. You never hear stuff like that, you know? Well, okay, not usually, you know?
Ruthie, I like yours! Especially the bounty hunter bit. And I know, isn't Vesper a great name? I've always wanted to use it, and I think Vesper has enough darkness in him for it to be appropriate.

Well, if I were you, I would pull out the Lightning Rod of Displacement (one of the weapons of the writers' guild) and throw it smack dab between Philip and Vesper. Shake that story up a little bit; How to Philip and Vesper get together again anyhow? There needs to be something interesting happening there.
But that's just me and I'm totally nosing in on your story.

What do you mean? Like, kill them? /
Umm, so far, they get together because see, okay, it's like this...
The two countries in Western Astor, Western Gate and Rhym Viona, have never teamed up before. Actually, usually, Viona and another country, Alasi, fight or have a unsteady peace, but join together if Gate gets too powerful. But now the Grand General and ruler of Gate has teamed up with the GA, and is planning on attacking the world in general. But he can't do it alone, and besides, he's in-laws with the Vionan king. So the king has to decide which side he is on. So supposedly he sends Philip, the son of one of his lords (he was adopted) and Vesper (who I think so far is representing the other party, but nobody knows that he is the GA's son, because the plan is actually to capture the wizard, not ask him for help) to find the wizard and bring him back to help the king. Nerissa is there to guide them, since she's gonna be able to help them somehow. Then the find Rufus, who is a traveling tinker, who knows the wizard and agrees to take them to him. (Little do they know, he is the wizard).
So they get together to find the wizard, because the king needs help dealing with this impending war, supposedly. Technically, it is El's duty to help everyone, especially kings, but he and all magic have been banned from Viona since forever, so he only ever comes in disguise and would think thrice about seeing the Vionan king, due to several bad experiences.

What do you guys think?

[eLIZabeth]

Awww, everyone's doing some sort of fantasy except me! *sniff, sniff* I think it's because my mind is so very practical and unimaginative... Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea if I wrote in more complete detail what my novel is about and added the changes I recently made.

It's about this teenage girl named Katherine who lived in England about 10 years ago, maybe more. Her parents forced her to board at a school run by Miss Hawthorne, a teacher with a lot of secrets in her past, maybe even involving murder. After discovering something pretty shocking that connects one of the maids with the head teacher, Kat works at trying to uncover the mystery while at the same time dealing with a nasty fellow student. Fortunately, she has good friends...
She goes to a school dance, overhears some people talking, and finds out some more about the teacher. The teacher really doesn't like Kat being nosy, so the girl ends up getting into a lot of trouble, making her life so miserable she can hardly stand it. Just when things seem to be worst, her best friend who has been really sick, dies... actually, someone convinces Katherine that she she died. So being really brash she leaves the school and ends up on the streets of London. Where in the process she meets two orphans, an American girl and her brother. They basically have to live like hobos, avoiding trouble, getting food. She thinks she's had it; totally disgraced her family, too scared to go home, too stubborn to go back to school. But luckily a cheap hotel in a lousy neighborhood offers she and her orphan friends work for food and lodge. One night, Kat sees Miss Hawthorne come in, which really shocks her. The woman meets a man, the same one who was talking to her at the school dance, and things just fall in place from there.
Basically, what shocking connection Kat had previously found about the abusive Miss Hawthorne was that she was one of the maids' aunt. The maid's parents had died in a fire when the girl was a baby, and she had gone to live with her aunt (the real Miss Hawthorne). The Aunt was supposed to inherit a lot of money from the parents' death, much of which was to be given to the baby when she was older. So some people that knew Miss Hawthorne killed her, and a woman impersonated as her aunt so she could keep the money.
In the end, Katherine is able to prove what happened with the great help of her friends. (The one who supposedly had died did a lot of the helping without Kat knowing.) Oh, and of course eventually the maid got the money she deserved, and the guilty went to prison.
That's probably unclear... please try to be understanding! Just reading this is making me a little overwhelmed with despair. Rolling Eyes

[Ruthie]

Wow, that is one deep summary :O very, very deep.
I liked how you added more suspense than last time KUGW (keep up the good work!!)

[Dan]

Dan, you know, I really like the idea of a family of heroes. I really, really do. You never hear stuff like that, you know? Well, okay, not usually, you know?
Ruthie, I like yours! Especially the bounty hunter bit. And I know, isn't Vesper a great name? I've always wanted to use it, and I think Vesper has enough darkness in him for it to be appropriate.

Well, if I were you, I would pull out the Lightning Rod of Displacement (one of the weapons of the writers' guild) and throw it smack dab between Philip and Vesper. Shake that story up a little bit; How to Philip and Vesper get together again anyhow? There needs to be something interesting happening there.
But that's just me and I'm totally nosing in on your story.

What do you mean? Like, kill them? /
Umm, so far, they get together because see, okay, it's like this...
The two countries in Western Astor, Western Gate and Rhym Viona, have never teamed up before. Actually, usually, Viona and another country, Alasi, fight or have a unsteady peace, but join together if Gate gets too powerful. But now the Grand General and ruler of Gate has teamed up with the GA, and is planning on attacking the world in general. But he can't do it alone, and besides, he's in-laws with the Vionan king. So the king has to decide which side he is on. So supposedly he sends Philip, the son of one of his lords (he was adopted) and Vesper (who I think so far is representing the other party, but nobody knows that he is the GA's son, because the plan is actually to capture the wizard, not ask him for help) to find the wizard and bring him back to help the king. Nerissa is there to guide them, since she's gonna be able to help them somehow. Then the find Rufus, who is a traveling tinker, who knows the wizard and agrees to take them to him. (Little do they know, he is the wizard).
So they get together to find the wizard, because the king needs help dealing with this impending war, supposedly. Technically, it is El's duty to help everyone, especially kings, but he and all magic have been banned from Viona since forever, so he only ever comes in disguise and would think thrice about seeing the Vionan king, due to several bad experiences.

What do you guys think?

No, I use the Lightning Rod of Displacement whenever I want to change a story a little bit to make it sound different then it was.

Very interesting! And now it makes more sense for these teenagers to be in the spotlight; being sons of lords (and therefore the obvious choice for ambassadors) and all. What's Nerissa's backstory?
So do PVN know that they're luring El into a trap?

Thanks for the encouragement, you're sure a family of main characters doesn't sound pre-highschool-reading-level-Hardy-Boys-style-cliché?

I like, I like very much
Interesting how in most stories, the one to help the good guys is someone whom they least expect. I love those types of surprises Top notch, Angie! I'll be first in line to buy this book!!
@Dan: I agree, there need to be more stories about families who save the world Out of curiosity, which brother are you planning to turn evil?

And I'll be right behind her.

Well see, that's the other problem; everyone in my family knows that I'm writing this story, so no matter who I turn evil someone's going to feel alienated. I do have the brother picked out, though. You don't get to know.
While we're here, I want your guyzez opinions on the names of my characters, just read them aloud and let me know what you think and which I should change. I want to change all of them but let me know if I should keep any. Each character is supposed to have four names but I'm still working on some of them.
Risha Lunalaf Tioeranyel Kyalansafas (Yeah, they're long, but mostly people will just call her Risha).
Remar Lunalaf Steinaino Tarsentolas
Sevet Lunalaf Hirelen Lenasar
Saren Lunalaf
Myetan Lunalaf
Mirso Lunalaf
Teigar Lunalaf
Tekan Lunalaf

Awww, everyone's doing some sort of fantasy except me! *sniff, sniff* I think it's because my mind is so very practical and unimaginative... Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea if I wrote in more complete detail what my novel is about and added the changes I recently made.

It's about this teenage girl named Katherine who lived in England about 10 years ago, maybe more. Her parents forced her to board at a school run by Miss Hawthorne, a teacher with a lot of secrets in her past, maybe even involving murder. After discovering something pretty shocking that connects one of the maids with the head teacher, Kat works at trying to uncover the mystery while at the same time dealing with a nasty fellow student. Fortunately, she has good friends...
She goes to a school dance, overhears some people talking, and finds out some more about the teacher. The teacher really doesn't like Kat being nosy, so the girl ends up getting into a lot of trouble, making her life so miserable she can hardly stand it. Just when things seem to be worst, her best friend who has been really sick, dies... actually, someone convinces Katherine that she she died. So being really brash she leaves the school and ends up on the streets of London. Where in the process she meets two orphans, an American girl and her brother. They basically have to live like hobos, avoiding trouble, getting food. She thinks she's had it; totally disgraced her family, too scared to go home, too stubborn to go back to school. But luckily a cheap hotel in a lousy neighborhood offers she and her orphan friends work for food and lodge. One night, Kat sees Miss Hawthorne come in, which really shocks her. The woman meets a man, the same one who was talking to her at the school dance, and things just fall in place from there.
Basically, what shocking connection Kat had previously found about the abusive Miss Hawthorne was that she was one of the maids' aunt. The maid's parents had died in a fire when the girl was a baby, and she had gone to live with her aunt (the real Miss Hawthorne). The Aunt was supposed to inherit a lot of money from the parents' death, much of which was to be given to the baby when she was older. So some people that knew Miss Hawthorne killed her, and a woman impersonated as her aunt so she could keep the money.
In the end, Katherine is able to prove what happened with the great help of her friends. (The one who supposedly had died did a lot of the helping without Kat knowing.) Oh, and of course eventually the maid got the money she deserved, and the guilty went to prison.
That's probably unclear... please try to be understanding! Just reading this is making me a little overwhelmed with despair. Rolling Eyes

More practical yes, less imaginative no. Your story sounds great! Very well thought out too. Your explanation of the end was a little confusing, but I think we figured it out. It's definitely an ending I didn't expect (which is exactly what a mystery novel is about). KUGW.

[Angie]

Very interesting! And now it makes more sense for these teenagers to be in the spotlight; being sons of lords (and therefore the obvious choice for ambassadors) and all. What's Nerissa's backstory?
So do PVN know that they're luring El into a trap?

Nerissa is one of the River People, who are sort of like gypsies. They are friendly to magic-users, including the wizard, and as such are labeled as undesirables at best, criminals at worst, since it is against the law in Rhym Viona to use magic. She was arrested with some other River people, but was given a chance at freedom when Philip and Vesper needed a guide or help or something. She actually has a little water magic, but she ends up actually becoming very good at song-magic (yes, I know how that sounds), a new branch of magic that El is working on developing.
Philip just thinks he is helping out his country in a time of dire need, and Nerissa is getting a free ride out of Viona (and getting paid for it!). But Vesper knows, since he is the GA's son, and he's kinda the operator of the whole trap. Philip is too honest for this, and Rissa wouldn't do it, and anyway if they all knew someone would give something away. After three hundred years of being hunted, El is very good at picking up on things.

Thanks for the encouragement, you're sure a family of main characters doesn't sound pre-highschool-reading-level-Hardy-Boys-style-cliché?

Not really. Aren't the Hardy boys just two, anyway? You never hear about seven. I like the names.

@Elizabeth: I like it. A book doesn't have to have magic to be good- I just am so stuck on it, I can't make a book without. (shrugging face here)
I especially like the sound of Katherine. She sounds really cool and tough.

[Ruthie]

Well see, that's the other problem; everyone in my family knows that I'm writing this story, so no matter who I turn evil someone's going to feel alienated. I do have the brother picked out, though. You don't get to know.
While we're here, I want your guyzez opinions on the names of my characters, just read them aloud and let me know what you think and which I should change. I want to change all of them but let me know if I should keep any. Each character is supposed to have four names but I'm still working on some of them.
Risha Lunalaf Tioeranyel Kyalansafas (Yeah, they're long, but mostly people will just call her Risha).
Remar Lunalaf Steinaino Tarsentolas
Sevet Lunalaf Hirelen Lenasar
Saren Lunalaf
Myetan Lunalaf
Mirso Lunalaf
Teigar Lunalaf
Tekan Lunalaf

interesting names, what does Lunalef mean? is that something like all family members need same middle name or something?
I like how there are two R names (best letter in the alphabet, for me ), two S, two M and two T.
How old are the characters in this story?
I'm wondering whether or not to bring another story out from the depths of my mind, a medieval story (best time period, for me).

Katherine Rowntree has a cold, a bad one, and it hasn't helped her temper any. Her sisters and brothers decide they'll help her out and plan a series of 'mis' adventures to help cheer her up, and maybe get over her cold quicker. A meeting with the new astronomer, a night of witching, a game of tag played on Mt. Terror, where their kingdom is built, all this to help Kat.
But, when on of her friends is captured, and no one knows where he is being held, Katherine decides the fun and games are over and real life steps in.

I was sick with a cold when I had this dream, so I can relate to Kat.
@Elizabeth: I seriously did not realize both our characters have the same names until right now :O I'm looking up on Medieval names now, so I'll change it... how about Talida Rowntree?
Copyright Notice: the names in this story are real 12th-14th Century Medieval names... JSYK (just so you know) haha, I can't wait to see that on my stories

[eLIZabeth]

@Ruthie - I didn't even realize that either! I just picked a name that sounded British enough without being corny...

[Dan]

Well see, that's the other problem; everyone in my family knows that I'm writing this story, so no matter who I turn evil someone's going to feel alienated. I do have the brother picked out, though. You don't get to know.
While we're here, I want your guyzez opinions on the names of my characters, just read them aloud and let me know what you think and which I should change. I want to change all of them but let me know if I should keep any. Each character is supposed to have four names but I'm still working on some of them.
Risha Lunalaf Tioeranyel Kyalansafas (Yeah, they're long, but mostly people will just call her Risha).
Remar Lunalaf Steinaino Tarsentolas
Sevet Lunalaf Hirelen Lenasar
Saren Lunalaf
Myetan Lunalaf
Mirso Lunalaf
Teigar Lunalaf
Tekan Lunalaf

interesting names, what does Lunalef mean? is that something like all family members need same middle name or something?
I like how there are two R names (best letter in the alphabet, for me ), two S, two M and two T.
How old are the characters in this story?

I don't know what it means, actually. But I think it means something like "truth-seers" but it's in a very old text so I can't be sure I'm translating it correctly.
Actually the double letters are how it works in my family: RRSSMMDD. And it wasn't even intentional!
I haven't decided yet, I think I'll have to make Tekan, the youngest, about 18. That means counting up from there that the ages are 18, 21, 24, 30, 33, 36, and Risha is 42. Woah. Maybe I'd better make them closer together: 18, 18, 19, 21, 22, 24, 26. There, that's better. What think ye all?

[Ruthie]

I don't know what it means, actually. But I think it means something like "truth-seers" but it's in a very old text so I can't be sure I'm translating it correctly.
Actually the double letters are how it works in my family: RRSSMMDD. And it wasn't even intentional!
I haven't decided yet, I think I'll have to make Tekan, the youngest, about 18. That means counting up from there that the ages are 18, 21, 24, 30, 33, 36, and Risha is 42. Woah. Maybe I'd better make them closer together: 18, 18, 19, 21, 22, 24, 26. There, that's better. What think ye all?

I like those ages better nothing against middle age, but I think all action stories are just right with people under 40... lol

One thing: why do the characters have different last names? My image of the characters is that their last name will be right ater their first name and then their middle, etc. names will be after that?? so like this: Ruth Richardson Bernadette Louise???

[Dan]

Yeah. That's pretty much how it works. I don't know, it just seemed more natural to me.

So what do you guys think: I've been thinking about stories and especially cultures in fantasy stories and do you think it's better to have them take stuff from real life cultures or just be completely independent of them? I tend to try to make my cultures disconnected with real cultures without being bizarre and un-identifiable. What do you all do?

[Angie]

Hmmm, cultures are hard stuff. I've been sort of been making cultures for my people, or at least attitudes. Like, one country is really down to earth, farming, do-stuff-with-your-own-hard-labor kinda stuff. So they're really against magic, which they think is tricky. And their land, which is marshy, or at least very moist in lots of places, needs that. Magic doesn't work too well on it, usually.
But the country next door is more into artsy stuff. They LOVE making songs, dances, artwork, and magic, since you can make nice stuff with magic too. To them, everything is a work of art. Even farming and fishing and stuff. So everything they do is sort of ceremonial, to make it more artful, like the Japanese tea ceremony.

One book I read that was GREAT with making new cultures was "The Lost Conspiracy". The author made up two new cultures and put them together in this book and it was a great story! You should take a look. It's by Frances Hardinge.

[eLIZabeth]

Hmph... my book is no where near that complicated! Just kidding, that just shines more credit on you guys, congrats on such great thought-work!
I guess I could have done better if I had a little more time to think about a plot, but I do get so busy and forget to work on it. *sigh*

[Ruthie]

Frances Hardinge?? Why does she sound familiar? Oh, I know who I'm thinking of: the writer of Secret Garden (another awesome story)
I am now reading a Redwall novel the Long Patrol, just another episode in the awesome bestiary series by Brian Jacques, where rats, weasels, stoats, wildcats, and ferrets are the villains and the heroes are more often than not mice, hares, badgers, squirrels, otters, moles, hedgehogs, etc.
Hmmm.. I knew this story would come up sooner or later

Whitney, Amanda, Tim, Annie and Kevin are regular 21st century kids. School has ended and summer vacation has just taken over. But before the kids and their parents can plan anything fun, a dragon shows up in their backyard, asking for the kids' help to get rid of a woman that is trying to take over the dragon's world, the Mystical World, a dimension within Reality. Can the kids help stop the woman from finding a powerful apple that grants unlimited wishes to its bearer? Can they help stop her from taking over the Mystical World?

I based the kids on my siblings and myself () and I can't resist any story with (good) dragons in it.... tho there is a dragon villain in the story... I don't get why dragons are seen as the picture of evil in most stories... very frustrating

[Dan]

@Angie: Thanks for the suggestion, I'll have to look that up.

@Liz: Tell me about it, and the longer I go without touching my story the less I know about it. My story is so underdeveloped overall.

@Ruthie: Sheesh! Where do all these ideas come from? Sounds like every time we hear from you you're cooking up another story. :p They're all great though.

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